Statistics

Bart's meals per day: 3
Bart's desired meals per day: 6
Minutes after breakfast for Bart to declare he's hungry: 10
Minutes after his post-breakfast sandwich for Bart to declare he's hungry: 5

Number of times Lisa has told me she wants to go to the toilet: 3
Number of times she has actually delivered the goods: 0
Metres between Lisa and me before I realised that she poo'ed her nappy this morning: 1
Seconds to rush Lisa into the bathroom to change her: 10
Jars of Nutella that I could have bottled from Lisa's nappy (and pants, and the sides of her legs) : 1

Maggie's favourite word : Daddeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Number of utterances in a day: 200
Number of utterances directed at Daddy: 10

Number of times Marge needs to call Bart before he responds: 3
Number of times Marge needs to call Lisa before she responds: 7
Number of times Marge needs to call Maggie before she responds: 1

Number of seconds for Bart to respond after Homer wields the cane: 0.1 - by rushing into obedience
Number of seconds for Lisa to respond after Homer wields the cane: 0.1 - by crying profusely, unable to move
Number of seconds for Maggie to respond after Homer wields the cane: 2.0 - by seeing what Bart and Lisa do first